Differently
by BellatrixisFred
Summary: Perhaps if he had kissed her like he dreamed of doing years later. Perhaps if she had clung a little tighter. Perhaps if they'd made their words a little softer. Perhaps it was fate that Lily and James died that night. Perhaps it was chance. This is the story of the first war had and the people that fought it. This is the story that could have been, had few events gone differently.
1. Prologue

_"We all made our choices and in the end those choices added up, and Lily and James died. Not a day goes by when I do not wonder what part I played in their demise. A wrong thought perhaps? Discouraging Sirius from the right disaster? Encouraging him into the wrong one? Details, details there are so many details and many of them are slipping away from me. Still, I wonder what might have happened had some of us chosen differently." _

-Taken from the diary of Remus J. Lupin, written during his time as a Hogwarts Professor, sometime in the years 1993-1994.

_October 1975_

"Really Peter, you've got to get your act together. Fifth year and no still girlfriend? Frankly mate it's embarrassing."

"I just haven't found someone I like is all."

"More like haven't found someone to like you." Sirius said with a snort.

"Well it's not like James is any better. It's been what? Five years? And Lily still isn't interested." Peter said, feeling defensive and, although he wouldn't admit it under even the cruciatus curse, somewhat hurt.

"Yeah but other girls like me. Besides, Lily will come around." James retaliated, nonchalantly. "Won't she Remus?" Remus ignored him, growling in the back of his throat. It was full moon tomorrow night and Remus was slightly on edge.

"Yeah she just needs to see how great you are." Peter said sarcastically, his retort rewarded with laughter on Sirius' part. James, however, chose to ignore this and Sirius, seeing that James wouldn't be baited today, turned back on Peter.

"Anyway, Peter you really need to get a girlfriend. It's getting ridiculous."

"It's not! Just because you've had nearly every girl doesn't mean I have to be the same."

"Yeah but you have to have _a _girl at least."

Finally, seeing that James and Sirius weren't going to take the hint, Peter appealed to Remus. "Moony tell them that it's perfectly alright not to have had a girlfriend in fifth year."

"Would you shut up Peter? I'm trying to study if you didn't notice. Maybe you would benefit from doing the same." Remus snapped, glaring at the three of them.

James and Sirius made ohing noises and laughed. Peter just stared at Remus in shock. Remus never failed to check James and Sirius when their mocking of him was getting out of hand. Now he was worse than the two combined and, unlike the unruly pair who never really understood the feelings of others, Remus knew better.

After a moment of silence James and Sirius giggled only to be silenced with a glare from Remus. Peter looked down, not hearing the irritable lecture Remus directed at the two.

**Ø**

_July 1976_

"Stay."

"I can't." She whispered, her voice oddly rough. His heart clenched when he realised she was crying.

"Then why did you come?" He asked. It was a valid question he told himself. Not one born of anger and hurt. If she wasn't going to stay she shouldn't have come. It was too dangerous if she was caught, and not for him.

"To make sure you were okay, because I was fairly sure they wouldn't have known what you needed and certain you wouldn't let them take you to St. Mungo's." She glanced down at the bound gashes across his torso. They looked as if some vicious animal had left them there, but that was only so the wounds didn't look suspicious he suspected.

He smiled ruefully back up at her, trying to memorise her face while he had the chance. The white skin, high cheekbones and pale eyes. "You're right." He agreed. "I wouldn't have let them." She smiled at that and he made sure to remember the way her pink lips curved upwards. He might never see her smile again, but for chance.

"You'll see me again." She whispered as if reading his thoughts. "Ours eyes will lock from across the Great Hall, you at your table and me at mine. You'll smile and I'll glare because that's how the game is played."

"I'm done playing the game."

"You'll still smile." She assured him, placing the little bottles of this and that potion she had used to heal him on the small table beside him.

"And you'll still glare." At that she gave him nothing but a sad smile, but it was answer enough. She would glare because she would still be playing the game.

"You're leaving?" He could not see who asked the question from his position but he recognised the voice instantly and it filled him with warmth.

"I have to. If I'm caught – "

He could feel their eyes on him then and knew it went without saying. If she was caught she might end up like him, or worse.

"You're welcome to stay with us child –"

"No." Her voice was firm and unwavering. "I would go."

The last of the hope went out of him at that. He had known she would refuse the offer, she wasn't one for taking charity, but still he had hoped she might chose otherwise.

"Go then." He said, his voice coming out more harshly than he had meant. "Before someone thinks to look for you." It had not meant to come out so hard and sarcastic, but it had. He heard her footsteps, he heard the door slam and finally he heard the crack as she disappeared into thin air. He never heard her goodbye.

**Ø**

_January 1977_

_It was a hard decision to make, but I had to make it. It was either lose him or lose you. I don't know how to explain myself to either of you, you wouldn't understand so I'll just come out and say it. I'm not coming back._

_- Mum._

Petunia took a deep breath in and loudly exhaled, hoping that somehow it would calm her. She repeated the motion once, twice, three times and somehow the painful feeling in her core seemed to be getting worse rather than better.

Finally it had to come out; there was no way she could hold in the mixture of emotions she was feeling. She moved to scrunch up the piece of paper and throw it but stopped herself just short of making it unreadable. Lily. Lily should be able to read the note too. Her sister's name was like being dipped into cold water. She would have to tell Lily. Their mother had walked out and left Lily as _Petunia's _problem. This wasn't about their father, it wasn't even about _her_, it must be about Lily.

For a brief moment, a tiny second of clarity, Petunia reasoned that Lily was hardly ever home and it was unreasonable to think their mother left because of her. For a moment she remembered that Amber had barely acknowledged either of her children for years. Considered that the only person to blame for their mother's betrayal was their mother.

But that moment quickly passed because Petunia couldn't simply blame their mother. If she did the feelings would remain and the pain would be constant. Besides, hadn't their mother mentioned how discomforting she found Lily's magic? Hadn't she always complained about buying Lily's school things?

"STUPID FREAK!"

Her scream was surely heard by the entire street but in that moment Petunia didn't care. She ripped the paper into tiny pieces throwing it all over the living room floor. Then she screamed, the feelings had to come out somehow and this was Petunia's way of coping. She grabbed the picture frames off their coffee table and threw them across the room; she dragged the curtains from their hangers, threw books onto the floor and trashed the entire room. When she was done the lounge suite their mother had saved up so long for was completely destroyed and the feelings were gone. All that remained was a by now familiar resentment towards Lily.

**Ø**

_September 1977_

He couldn't ever remember seeing her in class, or at Hogsmeade, at dinner or at any of the balls. Yet she looked quite familiar and that irked him. Her hair was black, messy and, seemingly on purpose, fell onto her face so that it was hidden from view. She was pale, or he thought she was, he couldn't really tell with her face so covered up. Her eye colour was a mystery to him and in fact the only other thing he could tell about her was that she was delicately built and rather tall. Really she was quite ordinary and not nearly as pretty as the girls Sirius usually found himself watching.

As if she felt his eyes on her, the girl, what had she called herself? Lucy, that was her name. Lucy turned her head slightly, her hair falling slightly so that she could see. Realising he was watching her, she jerked her head back around combing more hair into her face as if to hide. Why did she flinch so? He considered the matter for a moment but then, because he was Sirius Black and need never linger long on a seemingly disinterested girl, he stopped. She must be shy he decided and mind made up he went back to admiring the lovely Arcadia Vane. A few hours later he didn't even remember how Lucy had shied away from him. Within a few days he had, once again, forgotten her name.

**Ø**

_February 1978_

_They're my friends. _Peter reminded himself. _They would die for me. I should be willing to die for them. Or should I? Should I have any doubts? _His mind had been running in conflicted circles all day. He was afraid, deathly afraid. He'd never had any of the courage Gryffindor's are so renowned for. Any bravery he ever felt was in the presence of his friends. He only felt brave when he had protection. But what could Sirius, Remus or James do to protect him from…And Opal was so pretty, she had seemed genuinely interested in him. Something no other girl had been before. _She's manipulating you. _He reminded himself. Everyone knew that Opal Nott was a manipulative bitch who, if the rumours were true, was more interested in her brother than anyone else.

It was clear to Peter that the other side was ready for war. That didn't mean they would win, but they were better prepared for sure. On one hand he saw fancy mansions made of marble with shining gold everywhere. He saw pretty faced Opal and tall, cloaked strangers all immaculately dressed. He saw wealth and glamor. But, on the other side he saw happiness and fun. He saw late nights talking in their dormitory, sneaking to Hogsmeade to get butterbeer and muffled laughter as they pulled a prank.

He could only have one he knew. In Opal's world there were no pranks, there was no breaking rules or stepping outside expectation. But in the world he lived now the shining gold was nothing more then a daydream. He was torn between the two things he wanted most. It was the most intense decision of his life and it was only made worse but the stress and fear of oncoming war.

Interrupting his thoughts was the noise of a person entering the common room. Looking up, hoping to be distracted by one of his currently absent friends, Peter saw a crying Mary. Her cheeks were red, her eyes puffy and her face wet. She looked as if she'd been crying for hours.

Opal immediately moved to the back of his mind. Her seductive beauty had its place but no one, _no one_ could hope to compare to Mary McDonald. Her hair was a deep vibrant brown and fell in loose ringlets to her shoulders. Her skin was pale alabaster marked only by tiny light brown freckles. He knew that her cute button nose was sprinkled with them but the foundation she had taken to wearing the last few years covered them. She used her makeup to define her wide cheekbones and eyeliner to emphasis her deep brown eyes. Not that she needed any makeup. It didn't matter what anyone else thought, rain, hail or shine Mary McDonald was always beautiful, the _most _beautiful. She was incapable of being anything less. Which was why he loved her. Why he would always love her. The tears that now stained her pretty cheeks left Peter aching for her pain. He hated it when he saw her upset; it was usually over some guy. Some guy who didn't know just how beautiful she really was. Only this time it couldn't be some guy. Sirius wouldn't do that.

"Mary – are you okay?"

Her head jerked up hearing his voice and, upon seeing it was him, her eyes narrowed angrily. "Oh don't act like you care! Don't act like he didn't tell you all and you didn't laugh along with the others. You're just as stupid and selfish as him!" With a scream of frustration Mary threw a handful of tissues at him but they fell only a few centimetres in front of her.

"Mary, I really don't know what you're talking about –" Peter began but it only made it worse.

"Don't lie to me Peter! Don't tell me you didn't know that Sirius was shacking up with Elise fucking Andrews! I should have known he couldn't keep in in his pants but – you could have made him just break up with me! Or you could have told me! What is with you guys?"

Peter felt something inside him snap. He wanted to punch the stupid smirk of Sirius' face and he wanted to see Elise alone and friendless, crying herself to sleep every night like Mary cried now.

"I swear I didn't know I would have –"

"Don't you dare! Stop it! I hate you Peter Pettigrew! I hate all of you stupid marauders! Just leave me alone! And while you're at it tell Sirius to go fuck himself!" And without another word, Mary stormed up the staircase to the girl's dormitory.

**Ø**

_April 1978 _

"Come on, just tell me. It's not like it's a big deal."

"It's not any of your business Opal. Just leave Lily alone." Angelica said, turning away from the pretty Slytherin.

"I know it's not, I just like to know what people are up to that's all. It's not like I'm going to tell anyone. I'm not a gossip – I just collect it."

"No." Angelica said firmly. "And I've got to go. I have patrol now, Anthony will be waiting."

"Isn't he that mudblood boy?" Opal asked, the question was innocent enough but Opal's tone indicated it was much more than an idle question.

"Its just patrol. It's not like I get to pick who the other prefect is."

"Then why did I see you kissing him the other day on the Astronomy Tower?" Opal asked, her green eyes lit up with triumph. "Not planning on going the way of Andromeda now are we?"

Angelica felt the blood drain from her face. She was _so _sure no one had seen them. Opal had her now. There was no way she was letting the slightest rumour involving her and a muggleborn get out. Not after Andromeda. "Okay! Okay fine! I'll tell you. Just keep quiet about Anthony. He's handsome but I'm not a blood traitor, or an idiot. Its just kisses."

"I hope it is – for your sake." Opal said slowly, her tone seemingly pleasant but her eyes unsmiling. "I suggest you stop such practices immediately. Even kisses can get you into trouble these days."

A chill went up Angelica's spine and, without even thinking about it, she resolved to end things with Anthony tonight.

"So, what did Lily say to Marlene?" Opal asked, looking down on her painted nails. "My silence in exchange for your information."

"She said she loved him. That she would do anything for him. I'm not sure who him is, but I got the impression it's not Aaron." It was better just to confess what Lily had said. After all if she'd been willing to say it somewhere as insecure as a bathroom it can't have been that much of a secret.

"Oh. How interesting." Opal said with a smile. "Thank you Angelica."

"Don't mention it."

"Don't worry, I won't."

**Ø**

_"Seemingly insignificant though some events were, we'll never know what really mattered. Never know what we did to make fate turn so cruel. But what if things were different I ask myself late at night. What if things were different? What then?" _

-Taken from the diary of Remus J. Lupin, written during his time as a Hogwarts Professor, sometime in the years 1993-1994.

_**What if things were different? What then? **_


	2. And so it begins, differently

_Disclaimer: This fic fiddles with canon quite a bit. For instance I've moved the "lake incident" which destroys Severus and Lily's relationship to __**before**__ exams in __**sixth **__year. It would have happened in approximately February a year later. Similarly I've meddled with the age differences between the Black children. They are born in the correct order but I've given them ages to suit my needs. As you may have also guessed this fic doesn't have the ending we all know and... well, the ending we all know. As usual all rights to the ever so talented J.K Rowling. _

_Lily Evans_

"9 Turner Drive, Surrey!" The conductor called out. Lily hastily got to her feet, grabbing the backpack she always carried when she travelled with her trunk and moving to the front of the bus. The conductor, a woman by the name of Terise Bullpipe, lifted her trunk easily and placed it gently on the ground beside Lily.

"Have a good summer girl, you hear?"

"Will do, you too Ms Bullpipe."

The bus driver cackled with laughter at this. "Ms Bullpipe! You make Tezzie sound like a respectable lady.

"Shut ya trap Ernie Prang or I'll shut it for you!" Terise yelled as the doors slammed closed. Lily laughed a little nervously to herself as she fished around in her backpack for her set of house keys. She hoped they weren't in her trunk, it would be impossible to find them if they were. Normally Lily wouldn't leave anything she needed immediately in her trunk but had thought her mother would be there to pick her up like she always did. After an hour of waiting Lily had realised that her mother wasn't coming. As these thoughts ran through her mind Lily heard a bang and a whoosh as the bus sped away again and, now free from Terise Bullpipe's terrifying presence, Lily dared to look up at her home. She frowned. The front garden was terribly overgrown, weeds spilling out of the flowerbeds and the fence desperately in need of a new coat of paint. Certainly her mother would let the garden fall into such a state of disrepair, but Petunia would rather die. The curtains of the house were all closed against the darkening skies and the only light that seemed to be on was in Petunia's room. That in itself was not so odd, likely their mother would be out at this time of night. But even the porch light was dark; usually Petunia would leave it on to help their mother find the door. Walking cautiously up the garden path, Lily felt a sudden sense of foreboding and pulled her wand out from her pocket. She put down her cat Dakota's cage, Dakota meowed at her curiously as she did so, and sorted through her keys looking for the right one. Hand shaking slightly from the spike in adrenaline, Lily tried to push her key into the lock only to find it no longer fit. What the hell was going on? Confused and increasingly anxious, Lily knocked on the door. She waited for a second, but there was only silence. Scared now, Lily hammered her fist against the door as hard as she could calling out for her sister. "Petunia! Petunia!" There had been a few worrying reports… but she hadn't thought her family was in any danger!

"Coming!" Hearing the familiar voice a little of the anxiety went out of her, Petunia was home. She stopped yelling, but she kept her wand up.

The door opened to reveal Petunia dressed in her pyjamas, her hair in a messy bun that was falling out and her face slightly red as if she'd been crying. For a second Petunia just gawped at her in apparent shock before finding her voice. "Lily! I thought you came home next week! And – WHY ARE YOU POINTING THAT THING AT ME?"

Lily lowered her wand. "The front garden was overgrown and the locks have been changed…and the newspaper said…I was worried."

Petunia took in a deep breath and nodded. "Right, fair enough." Lily blinked in surprise. Her sister had matured a great deal in the year it had been since she had seen her. Last summer Petunia would have refused to let Lily in and stormed off to their mother to complain.

"I knew I should have written to you to check but – then I would have had to explain and I – "

Lily felt herself go cold. "Explain? Petunia what's going on? Why are the locks changed?"

"Come inside Lily." When Lily made no move to follow Petunia picked up Dakota's cage. "Come on Lily, I can't explain out here. " Surprised by the gentleness of her sister's voice Lily followed Petunia into the kitchen.

Upon entering the familiar room Lily immediately noticed several changes. The blue tablecloth their mother had bought multiples of it because she liked it so much was gone, replaced with a much prettier red one covered in a layer of white lace. It was a very pretty piece of linen, and clearly something her sister had chosen. The curtains too had been changed to match and the fridge, once covered in photos, was bare but for a few magnets advertising services in their area.

"What's going on?"

"Take a seat."

"No Petunia. Tell me what's wrong!"

Petunia looked down for a moment and sighed. "Give me a moment." She left the room, only to return a moment later with a small slip of paper in her hand. She gave it to Lily. "Read it." Petunia prompted her, sitting down as she said it. Taking the paper from her sister's hand, Lily scanned the page.

_It was a hard decision to make, but I had to make it. It was either lose him or lose you. I don't know how to explain myself to either of you, you wouldn't understand so I'll just come out and say it. I'm not coming back._

_- Mum._

Confused she looked down at Petunia for explanation. Petunia's hands were balled up into fists and she was staring down at her lap.

"What does she mean not coming back?"

"That note is three months old."

**Ø**

The first few days were terrible. It was like the days after their father's death. Lily remembered their mother taking down all his photographs, taking away everything that they had bought together and replacing the house with things that held no memory of what had been lost. In a way that had been worse. Lily hadn't wanted to forget him. She still loved him and knew that, even in death, he loved her. It didn't matter that she had lost him, only that she had him.

But this was altogether different. Their father hadn't wanted to leave them; he had fought every step of the way. He just didn't win. _She _had walked out on them, not even brave enough to face Petunia and tell her the truth. Petunia had already purged the house of every trace of their mother. Half the furniture was gone, replaced with something Petunia had chosen. All the linen was brand new, the pictures of their father were back but the family photographs from years ago stayed in the box in the attic. Certain things were missing from Lily's room and a great many of her clothes.

The door to their parent's room was locked.

After three days of staying locked up in her room, Lily awoke on the fourth morning ready to face the world again. Well, not the world, but ready at least to face her sister.

Petunia was sitting in the now unfamiliar living room. The room, which had once been a mixture of baby blue and yellow in a country style, was now made up of sleek modern lines and furnished entirely in very dark purple, black and white. It was a beautiful room and reflected Petunia's sense of style very well. Lily's entrance made Petunia look up from the magazine she was reading and for a second the two just looked at each other uncertainly.

What did this mean for the two of them? Their rejection of one and other had been less important when their mother was here but now… Now Petunia was her only family. Lily wasn't ready to lose her too.

"I see you're feeling better." Petunia said after a long moment of silence.

"I'm glad you changed the locks."

Petunia was quiet a moment before responding. "Me too. It's not like she made much of an effort when she was here anyway."

"A – are things different between us now? I mean, am I still just your freak sister? Am I only welcome here so long as I'm at school? Are we going to sell the house and go our separate ways only communicating through one line Christmas cards? Or are we going to be – " Lily paused for a moment, searching for the word. "Different."

Petunia closed the magazine on her lap so that Lily could see it was an interior decorating one. "I spent a lot of time thinking about that actually."

Lily blinked in surprise. "You did?"

"Yes." Petunia bit her lip. "You see Vernon proposed to me while you were away. Only a few days after _she _left."

"Oh." Lily felt as if a weight had dropped to her stomach. There was no way Petunia and her relationship could change with Vernon as Petunia's husband. The second he found out about Lily's "freakishness" he would see to it that Petunia and Lily saw each other as rarely as possible.

"You see before she left there was no doubt in my mind that he was the only one for me. But I realised that you're my only family now and – " Petunia paused, seemingly struggling for words. "Vernon doesn't like you, you know."

"I do."

Petunia smiled slightly at the irritation in Lily's tone. "Yes, if I marry Vernon, we can't be family. You would be my estranged sister. Forever." There was a long silence then and the weight in Lily's stomach had turned to nausea. She felt sick, so sick she thought she might throw up.

"But if you're estranged, that would mean I don't have any family." Petunia's voice was a whisper when she finally broke the silence again and when Lily dared look up at her she saw a tear rolling down her sister's cheek.

"So that's it then?" Lily asked, wanting more than anything to go back to her room and sleep the rest of the summer away. She wanted to scream, to cry, as finally everything in her life had betrayed her.

"No actually, it's not." Petunia looked at Lily now, her pale blue eyes full of anxiety. "You see I said no. I told Vernon I wouldn't marry him."

"You did?" Lily was in shock. "But he's got everything you ever really wanted in a man. You love him."

"He has a house, a nice car, a good job and I would get to stay home and raise our children. Which is everything I ever wanted." Petunia agreed. "But I don't think it's what I need."

"Come again?"

"He's perfect in every way. Exactly the man I envisioned myself marrying. But I've been thinking about how quick to judge I am. How long I'll hold a grudge. I think the person I marry should balance that. Vernon just makes it worse."

"Oh." Lily said, not sure what else to say.

Petunia sighed. "Exactly."

Lily remained silent for a moment, wanting to say something but at the same time wanting to remain silence. After a moment of inner conflict she decided her silence was selfish and asked the question, which might leave her completely alone in the world. "But does it really matter if you love him?"

"It wouldn't, but –" Suddenly Petunia was in tears and without thinking Lily sat down beside her, wrapping her arms around her. Petunia didn't make a sound as he cried herself out, her body shaking like a leaf in Lily's arms.

After a while of hugging in silence Petunia sniffed and finished her sentence. "It wouldn't matter if he loved me back."

"And he doesn't?"

"In his own way I suppose he does, but – not the way Dad loved Mum. He wouldn't love me if I shaved my hair and – " There was another pause as Petunia wiped away a few stray tears. "And he doesn't love me now that I refused him. I said I needed some time but that didn't suit Vernon."

"So you're not engaged?" Lily whispered.

"I haven't seen him since April." Then Petunia was crying again and Lily was crying and neither of them were sure for what pain they cried.

"God it's been an awful year." Lily said later on. It was several hours later now. They had cried themselves out and were now sprawled on the lounge room floor with the several apology boxes of chocolate Potter had sent Lily over the last few weeks. Dakota sat on Petunia's lap purring and, for the moment, the pair of them sat in silence.

"Will Snape be around anytime soon?" Petunia asked at one point.

"No, we don't talk anymore."

"Oh. Why not?"

"He called me a mudblood."

There was a moment of silence.

"What's a mudblood?"

"It means dirty blood, it's a really insulting name for someone whose parents aren't witches and wizards."

"Is it really that bad?" Petunia asked. "Bad enough to throw an entire friendship away over?"

"It's that bad." Lily said firmly. "It's everything Sev promised he would never be. It's him telling me he agrees with the people that say people like me are no better than animals. That I don't deserve my magic, that I'm not as good as everyone else." Lily paused for a moment looking into her hands. "It's the single worst thing he could have said or done."

**Ø**

After that day long heart to heart, things between Lily and Petunia were a lot less tense. Slowly they began to tell each other everything. Petunia confessed that she was terrified of ending up alone. Lily confessed the true state her world was really in and that she was terrified of dying young. Petunia admitted that she had held onto the house by using the money left to them by their father. The day after Lily went out and got herself a job. Lily admitted that she had no real friends without Sev. Petunia spent the next week bullying Lily into writing to the other Gryffindors and inviting them all over for a party.

The party was Lily and Petunia's last "fuck you" to their mother. Amber had never allowed parties in the house. No birthday parties, no Christmas parties and certainly no house parties. With Petunia's court case to get the house coming to a close with both Lily and Petunia replacing Amber's name on the deed there was much to celebrate.

It was nearing six o'clock, when Lily would get off work. The ice-cream shop she had been employed in for the summer was empty. Everything was cleaned, ready for Lily to close up shop for the night and all that was left was to wait. She amused herself by trying to decide who she was going to invite to her sister's party. All the girls in her dormitory were clearly to be invited. They had always been perfectly nice to her. After "the incident" Mary McDonald, who Lily had once been quite good friends with, had began sitting by her so that Lily wasn't alone. Mary, another friend lost to _his _jealousy. Things could have been different, if only she had put her foot down long ago. She could actually be friends with Mary and probably even Marlene, Mary's best friend. She could have been involved in their sleepover nights, could have gone to parties and enjoyed herself without worrying about _him_.

Instead she had just ended a very miserable two months at Hogwarts. For almost a month Lily had shut herself away from everyone. She had buried herself in her schoolwork, read through half the fiction in the library, increased her grade average significantly and only left her dormitory for classes and patrols. She had even taken to eating half her meals in the kitchens. (Remus, the only person she had talked to in that period and only because they had patrols together, had told her where they were after realising how little she was eating to avoid _him.) _Upon realising Lily had no intention of coming out of her state of hibernation the girls in her dorm, in a rare act of co-operation, had put their foot down.

_It was seven o'clock. The rest of the school was down at dinner but Lily had already cocooned herself in her bed. The red and gold curtains of her four-poster bed made up the walls of her sanctuary. Everything in her sanctuary followed the same colour scheme, green was strictly forbidden. It reminded her too much of __**him. **__A long plank of polished mahogany sat at the end of her bed and on top of it sat her textbooks, parchment, quills and ink. Lily still had a month of being nice to Potter in exchange for that makeshift desk. She supposed she could have transfigured it herself but she couldn't have made it as pretty, or determined its colour. Sirius could. Besides, it wasn't as hard to be nice to Potter these days. He had after all bought her a great deal of chocolate to apologise for the lake incident. Not to mention the fact that he and his friends had all helped bring her food upon realising she had stopped attending meals altogether. It had been over a month since Lily had set foot in the great hall. If he would only stop asking her out and pulling ridiculous pranks he might actually be a decent person. _

_Flipping through her potions book Lily felt a lump building in her throat. Potions was still her favourite subject, but it was hard to study for it with all the memories. Reaching under her pillow, Lily pulled out one of the aforementioned blocks of chocolate. Sometimes it helped when she started to feel like this. Taking in a deep breath Lily reminded herself to focus on moonstones. She didn't need to think about anything but moonstones for the next hour._

_Just as Lily was getting into the mind-numbing state that essay writing brought about she was rudely interrupted. There was a loud noise as the walls of her sanctuary were drawn back and the real world came spilling in brought by the glaring face of Marlene McKinnon. _

_Blue eyes determined and face set Marlene looked Lily directly in the eye. "Alright Evans. Enough is enough." _

"_Marlene!" Another girl protested and the opposite curtain was drawn as well to reveal Alice Bones. "Be nice." _

"_We've been nice." Marlene moaned as the third and final curtain was drawn so that Lily could see Mary McDonald, Carmelina Boot and Dorcas Meadows were all gathered around her bed as well._

"_Marlene is right Alice." Mary said. "Lily, you need to snap out of it."_

_Lily looked at the congregated girls all gazing at her with concern. "I'm not saying you have to make new friends, or socialise at all." Mary continued. "But you can't stay locked up in here forever." _

"_Yes I can." Lily protested. _

"_No actually you can't." Carmelina disagreed. "Because you staying up here has the school talking about you even more. And you staying up here means Snape wins."_

_Lily flinched a little at her former friend's name and Mary sighed. "You can't let him win Lily. He's a piece of shit and you can't let him ruin your life." _

"_But I'm not ready for my life yet!" Lily wailed. "Besides we've only got a few weeks left of term. I'll be ready next year."_

"_Well next year is not soon enough." Marlene snapped._

"_Marly –" Alice began but Marlene shook her head stubbornly. _

"_No Alice, she needs to hear it. Now while you have never been anything but nice, you can't deny you've spent the last six years ignoring us in favour of a complete jackass. Yet as soon as said complete jackass shows his true colours the whole of Gryffindor house comes to your rescue. Even Potter and Black who are sort of complete jackasses in their own right."_

"_Marlene just because Sirius cheated on you -" Dorcas began to interrupt but again Marlene furiously shook her head and continued._

"_But you've been holed up in here so you couldn't notice. All of Gryffindor house is pranking him and the marauders keep coming up with more and more elaborate pranks. All of us sixth years have ensured you didn't die of starvation, Remus has been covering your patrols alone, Alice convinced every single bloody person in this school not to bother you, Mary has partnered with you in every class. You might not have been much apart Gryffindor house these last six years but we still protect you like one of our own. Perhaps its time you stepped up and learnt what it is to be a Gryffindor yourself. We're family Evans and we'll look after you. You might think you're alone, but you're not." _

_Lily looked down and bit her lip. "Thanks Marlene."_

"_Anytime you need some sense slapped into you. I'm the one for it." _

_Alice leaned in to hug Lily tightly. "You've got to come out of your shell Lily. You can't let Snape ruin your life. That would be like letting Voldemort win." _

_There was silence. _

"_Tomorrow you're coming to breakfast with us. We sit together anyway." Mary said and one by one the girls left the dorm to leave Lily alone with her thoughts. As the girls left, Lily felt a little bit of her sadness fade. Perhaps there was a reason her sanctuary was red and gold. _

The memory pushed aside some of the familiar misery that had been building up in her stomach, reminding her that there was something to go back to Hogwarts for. The last three weeks of term Lily had taken her meals with the other Gryffindors, she had helped the other sixth year girls study for their Potions exam and in turn been helped when it came to Transfiguration and Herbology. She had spent her weekends outside sitting with Marlene and Mary, not saying much but feeling better than she had in her red and gold sanctuary all the same.

She didn't have friends, not really. But there was still a whole year to make them. Lily shook herself a little and ordered herself not to worry about it. Besides, she had other things to worry about right now. Namely, whether or not she should invite the marauders to her sister's party.

On one hand she wanted Remus there. Remus was her only friend and there was no way she could not invite him. Similarly Peter had been the first to start bringing her something from breakfast when he realised she wasn't skipping breakfast because she wasn't hungry. (Food was very important to Peter). On the other hand… James Potter and Sirius Black.

Lily was torn between apologising to them and hexing them. The one time she had asked Potter why he treated _him _so badly Potter had replied that _he _was a slimy git who practiced dark magic. It was probably the most accurate description of Severus Snape Lily could imagine existing. The two of them had seen his true colours immediately.

On the other hand they were both complete gits in their own right.

The clock on the far wall ticked over to six o'clock and Lily began packing away the dull, silver utensils that had been left out in case of a last minute customer. The great problem Lily had with James Potter was that he was so difficult to understand. She couldn't tell whether he genuinely liked her or whether it was some running joke. Similarly she couldn't tell whether his stupid pranks were just pranks or whether there was more malicious intent behind them. Once Lily had been sure he was a complete idiot who was so full of himself his head could contain nothing but hot air. But then Lily had discovered he topped the year level in transfiguration. Of course she didn't _only _hate him because he was confusing. He was also the egotistical twat who had asked her out for five years straight in the most annoying and embarrassing ways possible. He had chased away anyone else interested, written _"I love James Potter" _across the back of her school uniform and, regardless of whether he thought it was a joke, terrorised the school. He thought he was above the rules and better than everyone else. That last quality also happened to be Lily's major problem with Sirius Black. Although she wasn't fond of the way he treated his girlfriends. On one hand she wanted to like them both. On the other she wanted to hate them.

As she gathered her things and locked up the shop Lily decided she probably would invite the marauders. Simply because they would spice up the monotony of life in the muggle world, if nothing else. Regardless of however else she viewed them Lily agreed with the rest of the school. The marauders were pranking geniuses.

**Ø**

_Narcissa Black_

The ballroom was empty. The fireplaces unlit, the chandeliers dull. Narcissa stood in the centre of the room, taking in its beauty as she did so. This was her favourite room in the whole of Black Manor, including her own.

The walls were a pure white with gold rectangles inlaid into each panel. The same gold had been fashioned into flowers and decorated the ceiling's edge above, framing the artwork, which decorated the ceiling as a whole. From the centre of that grand artwork hung a masterpiece of it's own right. The chandelier was a mass of diamonds which, when the chandelier was lit, shone with the light of a thousand suns. Today however, the diamonds were dull and unreflective, not even the sunlight allowing them to glitter as the windows were carefully shuttered.

Tomorrow this room would be brought back to life. The chandelier would be dusted, the windows unshuttered and the gold polished till it shone. The small tables and chairs would be scattered around the dancefloor, the beautiful linens brought out again, flower arrangements would adorn the room and the dull grey carpet removed to reveal the molten gold dancefloor.

Tomorrow the room would come alive and Narcissa would be back in her element.

But, even though Narcissa loved the ball season and loved the sight of their ballroom awash with light, she had come to say goodbye to the quiet that it held now. In the winter months, this room was her sanctuary from the rest of her family. And even though she had been at school all year, she had still utilised it in the Christmas holidays.

Narcissa loved her family. She truly did, but they were hard to handle sometimes. Especially as their family dynamic had changed. It wasn't a sudden change, but it was one Narcissa had just begun to notice. It was perhaps because Narcissa had yet to begin fifth year that she had taken so long to notice, or perhaps it was the distance brought about by Hogwarts, but her sisters were very different people to how she remembered.

Bellatrix had always been the most excitable of the three but had always followed their mother's strict code of order and kept herself in check. Now, however, she was wild and passionate doing exactly as she pleased unless their father ordered otherwise. There was another change with Bellatrix. Bellatrix had long been her father's least favoured. She hadn't been a son and Cygnus had wanted a son. But somewhere in-between Narcissa starting school and Bellatrix graduating (which she had just done) she had gone from least favoured to most. Narcissa wasn't sure what it was, but she suspected it was that Bellatrix had done all the things a good son should and could still be ordered to make an advantageous marriage. Something a son would only do if he desired to. The ball tomorrow's preparations would be for was not just a celebration of Bellatrix's graduation, but also her new status as a death eater.

Narcissa shivered a little at the name. Death eater. It sounded so…distasteful. Yet what the masked men did was far less so. They culled the unworthy, the unwanted, the _dirty _from the ranks of the pure. They put mudbloods back in their rightful place. Below the _real _witches and wizards. Narcissa smiled a little to herself. It reflected well on the family that Bellatrix had joined the cause and she was proud that her sister had stepped up and done so. Regulus was too young for such a task and would have only embarrassed them all when he botched a simple order. Yes. She was glad to have a death eater in the family. Narcissa just wished they were called something nicer.

Andromeda too had changed. But unlike Bellatrix the change hadn't brought her closer to the family, but had drawn her away. Andromeda was cool and distant, her face never betrayed any expression and she spent most of her time in her room. She told them she was studying and her grades at the end of each year left no doubt in her parent's minds that this was true. Narcissa suspected it wasn't but she kept it to herself. If Andromeda was sneaking off to see a boy like Narcissa suspected she was, well Andy knew the rules. She would never see anyone undesirable and with only a year left of school the time for marrying was approaching. Especially seeing as Bellatrix had chosen to join the cause. Andy might be smart, but intelligence only got a girl so far in their world.

Narcissa caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and flipped her silvery hair over her shoulder. She might not be the smartest child like Andromeda, nor was she the child to bring the most glory to the name Black. She wasn't anything great like her sisters, but Narcissa was comfortable just being the pretty sister. She could, _would_ provide the Black family in her own way, the _proper _way, through marriage. And the ball that would kick off a season of them was a perfect place to start looking. She might only be fifteen, but Narcissa knew what mattered.

**Ø**


End file.
